I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
