So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
