Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
