I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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