I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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