Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
