just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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