OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
