She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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