im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I came so hard my ears popped.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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