cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I need to sanitize my soul.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
