i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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