apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
