Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
