yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
