You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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