Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's official drugs can't kill me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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