what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
