doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
