when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
