Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
