I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
