Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
