So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
