Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
