we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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