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• (360): View more from Washington

  did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.

  (425): View more from Washington

  some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.

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• (845): View more from New York

  The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us

  (845): View more from New York

  I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it

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• (818): View more from California

  Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis

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• (909): View more from California

  oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls

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• (714): View more from California

  I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.

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