uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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