Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
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I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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