SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
