I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
