Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
