vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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