Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
