Well douche your snatch and let's go!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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