Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
