She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
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I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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