When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i now understand why vodka
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
