Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He better not be in your backpack
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
