yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
