jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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