it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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