I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
