Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
