i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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