I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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