I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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