o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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