she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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