I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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