sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
