I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
