He asked me if I "almost moaned"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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