Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
