Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
