So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
