apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
