I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
