I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
