I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize