is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
