he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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