I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
