i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.