I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
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Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
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I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE