Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
