The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye