Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I feel like I smell like bad decisions