woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
