do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
