We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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