HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
