The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
