Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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