She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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